Anxiety Is A Bitch. Taking control of your thoughts and triggers.

Everyone Is Anxious, Just Calm Down

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. This is an all too common statement used by everyone.  I realize that people who use this line really don’t know how to react when someone is “overreacting” about something or acting in a way that they aren’t used to seeing. It’s a very normal thing to say and I’ve said it myself. I’m not perfect. What isn’t known is that us more than anxious people would love to calm down. We would love to be those at ease people when life throws a cannonball at us. When anxiety is overtaking the body, all I want to do is stop it and wish that I was different. That I had a different brain. So yeah, calming down is a mutual goal for you and myself. 

It feels like you’re drowning,

fighting to make it to the surface.

My Anxiety

Anxiety isn’t just constantly looking over your shoulder or scared to leave your house, those are just a few examples. People can have different triggers or things that make them anxious. This can be caused by traumatic events or experiences that make them think differently. What is so beneficial for an anxious person is to be aware of what makes one anxious.

 I am anxious about the radio volume not being at an even number, even numbers make me feel secure. I am anxious about being the perfect person to every title I hold. Behind the curtains, no one sees the countless lists I make for myself every single day, creating goals for myself to accomplish that day and if I don’t make them I am a let down. I felt like I’m not doing enough, never doing enough. I am anxious that I am not giving my best self to every single person I meet, that I could’ve hurt their feelings in a way. I am anxious that I am a burden to people’s lives. I’m anxious that I could’ve done something better and that thought can consume my whole day while I pick apart what I should’ve done instead. I’m anxious when I look in the mirror and hate what I see. 

Panic happens when it gets too much, panic attacks feel like you’re literally having a heart attack. Your heart is pumping like the energizer bunny. I feel like I’m on the verge of a black out, lights out Megs. I realized this was NOT good or healthy for myself. Why was I isolating myself when life overcame me? I knew I was getting bad when all I wanted to do was lock myself away in my bedroom.  So I got help for myself, that is scary. It makes you feel weak.. that there is something wrong with you and why can’t you be normal? Therapy is a beautiful thing. In my opinion everyone should go and face their inner demons. I’ve been through a lot of things and overcame a shit ton and I need to be proud of that. The things I’ve talked about publicly and the things I keep locked away are things that were out of my control, especially as a teenager and young adult. I’m proud of myself. 

This is NOT an everyday thing like it used to be. Those were just examples of the things that happen when I’m not taking care of myself and I let anxiety take over me. Now I can use my voice, not worried about the backlash I might get. Now I am better at realizing that if someone leaves my life, it was their choice not because I am a burden. Now I am realizing that I am not perfect nor will I ever be and mistakes WILL happen. What is beautiful is the things you do with your mistakes and flaws, own the shit out of them. You can be aware of them and know what to do better NEXT time. Apologize when you should and move on. 

What do I do then? Maybe this can help you. 90% of my time spent on this Earth now is awesome. I’m “normal.” I hated that I said that because what is normal? What I meant is that I am so much more mentally healthy and aware of who I am. When I know that an anxious moment is about to happen I TALK about it. I don’t try to downplay what I’m feeling. Because going down that dark hole, literally feels like I’m an astronaut getting sucked into outer space, that I can’t get out of is something I don’t want anymore. The people in your life, that should be in your life will make you feel comfortable. Comfortable enough to talk about it and love you even harder when you need it.

I also do this thing now, thank you therapy, where I look at myself in the mirror and talk to myself. Isn’t it crazy that we are with ourselves more than anyone else and we get uncomfortable when we are alone or dismiss the idea of ever thinking about talking to yourself? It’s weird. When I first did it I was like if my parents catch me talking to myself in the mirror they are going to send me off somewhere. But don’t think like that. What you talk to yourself in the mirror is who YOU are. First, start off by saying the superficial things. “I am a college graduate.” “I am a daughter, friend, dog mother, etc.” Then slowly go down the line of the more vulnerable parts of who you are… like “I am beautiful.” “I am an inspiration to others.” “I am a strong, incredible person who has overcome so much.” It’s so freaking strange to start this but I promise that you will be happy that you started. We shouldn’t be ashamed to give ourselves compliments or uncomfortable to talk nicely to ourselves. Learning who you are by talking to YOURSELF is such a healthy and amazing thing you can do for you.

Another thing that I am going to start and work on is leaving the “but” out of sentences. This was also a tactic I learned in therapy. For example, I am proud of myself for going to the gym BUT I could’ve stayed there a little longer. That sentence should’ve stopped after gym. YOU WENT TO THE GYM THAT’S AWESOME!! Why do we feel like we always have to do better and can’t just cheer ourselves on when completing a goal!? What you can do with whatever comes after the but is use that next line for the NEXT time. Use it to better yourself for the next time you go to the gym but don’t worry about it now. You went to the gym, that is awesome! Next time your goal is to stay 10 minutes longer. This is something that is hard to change when your brain is programmed to constantly think of those “buts.” So, I’m challenging you to catch yourself in the middle of a conversation and you’re wanting to downplay your accomplishment(s) with a but. If you challenge yourself, then I will too. 

So, next time you catch yourself wanting to say “calm down” to someone or yourself think about something better you could say. You don’t know what is actually going on, something deeper than them forgetting to grab a book for class and them being visibly upset could just be the final straw. Or maybe their parents hold them to such a high standard to education that missing this lesson due to an absent book could cause some major consequences at home so they are experiencing loads of anxiety. You NEVER KNOW. Instead talk to them, lend them your book, lend them your time.