Rape.
I am angry, no I am literally f*cking shaking with anger right now that I have tears running down my face. “A Minnesota man can’t be charged with felony rape because the woman chose to drink beforehand, court rules,” “A person who is sexually assaulted while intoxicated does not fit the designation for a more serious charge if he or she consumed the alcohol or drugs voluntarily,” “Rape victims not mentally incapacitated if they got drunk on their own.” These are literal news articles from a Minnesota Supreme Court case that was once ruled as third-degree criminal sexual conduct was overturned within the past week due to the state’s rule that a victim can only be defined as “mentally incapacitated” if they are given alcohol or drugs against their will. BECAUSE SHE WAS WITH FRIENDS PREVIOUSLY DRINKING, IT IS HER FAULT THAT SHE WOKE UP TO A MAN RAPING HER. She voluntarily did this to herself is what the court is saying. What the f*ck. Does this make any sense? Let’s add on to the already set guidelines on blaming and questioning the victim. This is literally telling offenders who “want some” to scout out woman at the bar who you observe to be drinking to take advantage of them because they are clearly asking to be assaulted, they made the choice to have a drink. They made the choice to have alcohol just like the man sitting across from her at the bar.
This hits home. This hits WAY too close to home. After being in a sexual assault case in college, that took 3 1/2 years to finish, it changed my whole perspective on the broken system that is no where near in favor of the person who survived the assault. Broken doesn’t have to be permanent, it can be fixed. It can be fixed only if we want it to though. I can’t begin to tell you the questions we got about what WE were doing that night, exactly HOW much did WE have to drink? Didn’t we know that we were only 19?! Was there any way that there was misleading of OUR actions going on? Why weren’t WE watching our drinks? What clothes were WE wearing? Are you REALLY sure you want to follow through with the case? Have you thought about dropping it? He is such a big part of your community back home, are you sure? Are you sure you really want to lose all of your friends back home to stand behind someone who you just met in college? I WISH I was lying when I think about on the questions we were asked those 3 1/2 years. I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I HATED that I felt like I had to be silent because it would make someone uncomfortable or that it would turn the case over against us.
I’ve been a sexual assault advocate for 2 years now. I don’t talk about this role that I have because I don’t do it to boost my morale or something to put on a resume. If there is a sexual assault in the area and I’m on call, I go there. I’ve held this role because I never, ever want a woman or man to not feel supported or have to feel like their voice doesn’t matter because of a choice someone ELSE made for them. Rape shouldn’t be a silenced word, it should be talked about. Isn’t it funny how others are so hesitant to talk about sexual assault as a serious issue but the word “rape” is used in a lot of jokes amongst friends?
I’m angry right now. I don’t want to be. This is how I want to use my knowledge and voice right now. These words won’t go away. No one can turn their head or switch the subject when reading this article.
If you need someone to talk to, please talk to me. I can get you help with Riverview’s amazing advocates. They make it their JOB to be there for you and fight for you. They are incredible. You are incredible.
It’s not your fault this happened to you. Don’t ever beat yourself up for doing things a NORMAL young adult/teenager/adult does at a bar. Don’t ever think that maybe it was your fault because you might have been a bit too flirty. Your body is your body. You get to say no. You get to say yes today and no tomorrow.
I’m here for you.
Yellow <3