Living Your Truth
Do you want to know what’s one of the most scary things? So frightening that hardly anybody is willing to do so? It’s a ‘can’t sleep at night kind of scary.’ That thing is being alone with yourself and stripping away everybody’s opinions and wants from YOU. Have you ever TRULY sat down with yourself and thought about who you are? Not what others want or expect you to be but genuinely lived YOUR own truth? Do this right now, seriously do it. I’ve been there where I’m reading such an inspiring book and they tell me to stop what I’m doing and do this exercise so I put a post-it note where that exercise is and that I’ll do it later when I have more “time.” Eventually my book ends up looking like a rainbow of post-its and I’ve accomplished 0 of those mental exercises that I said I would do.
“You have a being unique and individual, incomparable. It has never been before, it will never be again; only you have got it. Celebrate it!”
It’s simple. Set a timer for 5 minutes and reflect on these two questions.
What Are My Superpowers? (don’t say you can fly liar)
What Challenges Are In My Way Of Showing My Superpowers?
Then ask yourself what the hell are you going to do about it
You Are The Only Single Person Who Has Lived Your Life
Can I let you in on something spectacular? You, yes you, are the only single person who has lived, learned, accomplished, gone through what you have done throughout and will continue to do in your life. I added the word failed in that list but then quickly changed it to learned, do you know why? There is no such thing as failure, every experience you go through whether it be considered to society a success or fail is not a failure. You learned something from it, hopefully. You learn at a young age that if you touch the hot stove it’s hot and you won’t do that again on purpose. That’s not a failure, to you or your parents. You learned from your OWN consequences to associate a stove being on as hot.
What I am trying to get at and got off topic for a bit is that once you realize who you are and how truly flipping magical you are you will see the world of a difference. Once you realize what you have overcome and will continue to overcome will see change within. Once you realize the strength you hold will amaze you. Once you realize your presence and the importance of it to yourself and others you will feel empowered. Once you realize your genuine beauty and can feel that it will make the days better.
You’re Magic, Darling
You are not your friend’s story of you, no matter if they give you an insane amount of compliments every single day because what is the weight of those compliments if you don’t believe them? You are not your high school classmates ugly version of you, no matter how mean those comments can be… because what is the weight of those ugly comments? If you feed into the ugly and evil then you become the ugly and evil. Great advice right there ladies and gents, holy moly.
Face Your Truth
Want to know something about me? Maybe you can resonate with this too. I have been single, by choice for a good chunk of time. I blocked off that emotional vulnerability, even to a degree with some of my bestest friends and family because I was/am genuinely scared of being too vulnerable and showing everyone the depth of love I know I am capable of giving. I talked to my therapist about this, more towards the beginning of our sessions. I feel EVERYTHING. And you know how sometimes I cope with that? I get irritated and shut portions of my life down so I don’t have to feel it. I break away from relationships, friendships, situations so I can stop invading my head and hurt with these feelings. I thought there was something wrong with me. If you read my initial Find Your Yellow post you will remember me saying that I am an empath, it’s an actual thing. And I don’t feel crazy. I literally bawled and still to this day cry when I continue finding out what this empath thing is and the reasoning behind this “empath” role.
ANYWAYS. Back to what I was saying, I block off that emotional vulnerability because I believed (still working on this) that I will never be loved as much as I can love someone. That is my truth. I’m working and living with that. Holy quesadilla I have written and said this out loud for the first time ever.
The Hidden Want To Be Vulnerable Is Crushing, Let It Be Seen.
Another thing that affects my relationships is that I have this early sense of someone, that I can SEE them more deeply than maybe they can and I can’t stop myself from pointing out those “less desirable” traits of their personality. What was really happening is that I was terrified that they would see me for who I really was and get disappointed. I didn’t know who I was or why I was the way I am, what if they found that out? I was terrified to let them know how deeply I cared or felt. I was terrified to let them know that I was struggling. I was terrified to let them know that I HATE steak. I was terrified to let them know that I prefer dancing instead of taking shots. I was terrified to let them know that I was scared. Those are just a couple silly things that make up who I am but it’s refreshing to get that out of my head.
Face what is going on in your head. I talked A LOT about examples in my life, I hope it inspired you to reflect on who you really are. It’s funny, since Find Your Yellow and letting myself be so freaking vulnerable and sharing my thoughts and stories for people to listen and read, I’ve gotten SO many stories like mine or surprising comments that they had no idea this was going on in my life and that I always “had it together.” OH shit honey no. When you thought I had it together, I was struggling the most, without me even realizing it. I’m going through a journey right now of falling in love with myself and living how I want to live, so days GET SO HARD. There are days where I can’t even get out of bed because i”m exhausted of even thinking about pushing myself. There are days where I feel so lost and can’t even express it to the people I most care about. It will be worth it, if it were easy everyone would do it ;)
Live Your Yellow
Know that YOU are where you are today because of you. You got yourself this far. You survived the days you’ve lived. You will survive many more. You will learn, succeed, cry, feel so lost, have incredible moments, experience evil, etc. What depends on the outcome is what YOU do with your choices and how you decide to act on these learning moments.
Live Your Yellow Beautiful <3