Forgiving Myself

As a 25 1/2 year old, yes I am counting that and curse you all who didn’t tell me happy half birthday. Just kidding. Anyways, as a 25 1/2 year old I have practiced shedding the draining weight of grudges from the past and attempt to live as presently as I can in the present. I’ve grieved those who have passed out of my life, living and dead, and have come to a place where I can smile when I think about the times I had with them and genuinely want good to come their way. It took me years to get to this point though because that shit was painful. Being stuck in the what if’s and live through the consequences of the wrongs that others have done to myself and those close to me was heartbreak like I’ve never felt before. But, with these battles we face we come out as a more compassionate and strong person.

I am not going to be ignorant and talk about what wrongs others have cast upon me because I am no angel. I know that the choices I have made in the past (and unfortunately possibly the future) most likely caused harm to others and they have had to go through the process of forgiving me, Megan Boone. What kills my present mind the most is reflecting on the past and sitting there and thinking about the hurt I’ve caused. I’ve realized that in no world can I change the mindset, actions and words I have said to others but I can choose to change those same toxic mindsets, actions and words today. With that being said, I (we) need to give ourselves grace for what we thought we knew at the time compared to what we did now. Most of the time the consequences of our actions aren’t given to us as a multiple choice questionnaire. We didn’t have the experiences of those choices at the time but what those choices gave us is the knowledge that we have now.

I’ve learned that not everyone in your life is meant to stay for the entirety, maybe just for a season or two.

I’ve learned that people smile when you remember the little details about them and when you can, showcase those details to them

I’ve learned that no matter how hard you try to make someone stay, if they want to leave, they will.

I’ve learned that those who want to stay in your life will and let them. That is, if you want them to.

I’ve learned that not everything people tell you is the truth, but there could be some truth in what they are saying.

I’ve learned that we don’t know when those people will leave us, whether that be leaving Earth or our physical presence. So, show them love and what they mean to you

I’ve learned that there are some unkind people in this world and those people are ones that I will not allow to affect my happiness anymore

I’ve learned to accept how others show me their love, whether it be with words, actions, hugs, letter writing, doing the dishes, etc.

There are lots of things that I’ve realized over the the years but the most important for me is the realization that I am capable of being loved for exactly who I am.

Forgiving ourselves may be one of the hardest things to let go of. Let go. It’s not worth feeling this guilt for the rest of our lives. It’s not benefiting anyone, in fact it’s hurting yourself and affecting more people in your life than you may think. I promise you though, your soul will thank you for giving yourself this grace of moving forward.

Find Your Forgiveness <3