Hello ;Your Story Isn’t Finished
September 6th-September 12th 2020
Let’s talk about how 2020 has been for everyone. If you have felt more down and unmotivated lately, you’re not alone. If you have been feeling stuck and wanting to get away more than you ever have, you’re not alone. If I can guess, you’ve had this talk with your best friends and family and they feel the same. For a lot of us we thought 2020 was going to be our year.. Whether we were excited to graduate college, start college, get married, start a new job, go on a long awaited trip, etc. We were all excited about something and the pandemic either squashed that or dampened that spark. I’m not being negative right now, I’m being real and it’s okay to say that life right now kind of sucks. BUT what we need to do right now is take extra care of ourselves. Check in with yourself. Are you okay? What do you need? Take extra care of your loved ones too.
This month is National Suicide Prevention Awareness month. This doesn’t mean that this is the only week where we are aware that suicide happens and is real. Yes, everyone (as do I) posts reminders to check on your friends, the statistics of suicide or why suicide has affected them in some way during this week...which is GREAT. It’s an awesome start. That’s what it is, a start. What we need to do outside of this as a community is continue this conversation and not only let our voices be heard during a short 7 days each year.
My semi-colon story
What only a very small handful of people know about me is that I wanted to leave this Earth. What is sad is that that thought isn’t too uncommon to hear. What is different, is that I wanted to leave this Earth and I had a plan. My plan in 2015 was to get in my car and crash into a bridge, a beautiful tragedy I thought. The day that I was going to end it was a dark, clear night. I got into my car and felt numb. I wanted all the pain and nightmares to stop. Pretending got too much. I felt alone when I was surrounded by people. I was on the dance team, I had loads of friends, I had a great family, I had it all. I had it all, that’s what everyone thought. As I was driving I got a text message and pulled over into a field entryway to read it, I had this weird feeling that I needed to look at it. It was a message from a friend asking if I was okay. I didn’t text her prior or gave her any indication of what I was going to do that night. That text changed my life, literally.
I remember the first time I told this story, it wasn’t to that friend that texted me. It was in a dorm room 2 years later with four of my friends who I met at college. Why did I choose this time to tell? I can’t give you a reason why. I just felt like I needed to. Let me tell you, that was the most vulnerable and loving moment I’ve had. The love from these strangers and the feeling of being heard was overwhelming.
The semicolon symbolizes an ending that could’ve happened but the author chose to continue to finish their story. How beautiful is that? What if I would’ve ended my story my Junior Year of high school? Here’s a list of things that I would’ve never known or experienced…
I would’ve never graduated high school
I would’ve never graduated college and got a BA
I would've never sky-dived
I would’ve never shark caged dived
I would’ve never met Brandy and experience Green House with her
I would’ve never met incredible people from all parts of the world
I would’ve never had a peanut butter shake from Something Good with Morgan
I would’ve never had my 21st birthday
I would’ve never had Thursday Deringer’s nights with my roommates Abie and Lea, living on Walnut Street couldn’t have been better because of you guys
I would’ve never watched my little brother graduate high school
I would’ve never gotten to experience watching my classmates go to State for basketball
I would’ve never met my nephew Breckin
I would’ve never met Greta who inspired me to discover church again
I would never get to experience a delicious monster cookie again
I would never hear my dad’s hyena laugh again
I would never receive a text message from my mom telling me she loves me again
I would never ever get a FaceTime call from Kaitlin again
I would never see my best friend get married to the love of her life
I would never have another car jam session with Alex
While writing this list in my hometown’s coffee shop I was consumed with emotion. If only I knew this in 2015 what my life would be like now, everything that I got to experience and do with my life because I continued to live my life and not end it with a period.
Some of the most important people in my life don’t know this story. I closed this story off and wanted to forget about it. I don’t want to do that anymore. If I can help any 17, 20, 40 year old who is struggling right now and wanting to end their beautiful life, please please please talk to me. It may feel like there is no hope, that the past is too much to overcome. I can promise you that there is hope. There is much more life for you to learn, experience, love and grow.
As a person who overcame my plan, I can tell you that I still have those days where I just want to give up. I know this when I can feel myself spiraling into that dark, ugly hole. I can literally feel it. What do I do? I make and look at that bulleted list of things that I, Megan Lee Boone, did all on her own. I am a rockstar. You are a rockstar. I am wanted. You are wanted. I am needed on this Earth. You are needed on this Earth.
Since 2015, I have tried living my life like everyday is my last. At one point I didn’t know that I was going to have a September 10, 2020. I make it a priority to be as kind to everyone I meet, you never know what people are going through. That kind smile, kind holding of the door, kind conversation could truly change someone’s life.
If you are struggling, get help. Talk to someone you trust and know will listen to you. If you want to talk to me, my ears are always open. You can contact me via social media where I can give you my number so you can text/call me. I am here for you, you’re not alone.
Facebook: Megan Lee Boone
Instagram: megs_boone