Forgive Yourself. You’re Not The Same Person As You Were In High School, I Hope
Reflecting On Your Past Is Great, Dwelling On It Isn’t
Reminiscing on the good ol days by looking through pictures, notes, text messages, memories, etc can be awesome. You can look back on the times where your team won state and your whole town was on cloud 9 for months or that time when you and your gal pals were tearing up the dance floor while wearing a dress that made you feel like a million bucks on prom night. Those moments were meant to be cherished, that’s why your mom took a million and one pictures right? ;) What is to be reminded though is that those won’t be your greatest moments, you still have so much more exciting things to come, don’t get into the mindset that now that you are an “adult” that you are now stuck and can’t have fun. There’s so much more to look forward to.
What about those moments that you could redo, not to be on that high on life feeling, but to change. If you don’t regret things you said, things you didn’t say, things you did, things you didn’t do, etc then I call a big ol bullshit. It isn’t beneficial to sit and dwell on what you could’ve done. Going back in time hasn’t been introduced to us yet, so you’re shit out of luck. Accept that. What would be way more beneficial than throwing a pity party is learning from those regretful moments. Give yourself the infamous 5W1H (who, what, where, why, when and how.
Who am I regretful for (myself, my friend, etc)?
What am I regretful for?
Where did this regretful thing come from/happen at?
Why did this regretful thing happen?
When did I realize that I regret it?
How am I going to not let this regretful thing happen again?
Accept Your Past In Order To Love Yourself Presently
Let me let you in on a little secret. I am not perfect. CRAZY, RIGHT?! I am aware that people look up to me or think that I am this amazing, loving and caring person. When I received those compliments it was crazy hard for me to accept that. You know why? Every Time I got those uplifting words, I sabotaged that good feeling by going back to things I am not proud of. There are moments, especially from high school where I wish I could forget. I look back and I think why the hell did I say those things? Why did I tear someone down when I was struggling myself? Why do our insecurities make us want to take someone down on the things we struggle with the most? Something I lived with every single day for 6 ½ years was a comment I made about someone on their weight. I made that comment because I subconsciously was fighting my own physical insecurities because someone was making me feel huge, like an elephant. I was truly disgusted with myself and not proud of what I did to ever make someone feel like that. I was ashamed of myself, so you know what I did? I owned up to it and apologized to that person recently, very recently. I didn’t do it to be a stand up citizen, I truly did it to be at peace with myself and for that person to be at peace.
Does it change what I did? No. Hell no. Does it change how I am today? Yes. I never want to stoop that low ever again and project my own insecurities onto someone else who very well may be struggling with the same.
I didn’t accept who I was now because of things that happened years ago. That is so toxic. You need to realize that who you were 5 years ago, 1 year ago, 1 month ago is not who you are today. If you are then you are not growing. Change is good. Change is a reflection of what you did with prior mistakes. It’s not about what is given to you, it’s about what you are going to DO about what you are given. You will never accept who you are and love the person you are if you are constantly stuck in the past. The people who only know you as your high school self is on them, they will always have that perception of you because they aren’t open to the idea that they have changed also.
It’s like the idea of the person who will always be labeled an addict. If you were given the name of pothead 12 years ago while you were a Junior in high school, it’s hard to overcome that because that is your classmates perception of you. Even if you have been clean for 8 years, own your own business, have 2 kids and a loving partner…. There is a good chance that there will be some people who will have that pothead label on you. And you know what? Let them think that. They are stuck in the past and that is all on them. You are not your past self. You aren’t stuck, you can overcome anything you set your mind to.
This article was hard for me to write and publish. It’s flippin hard broadcasting things you have been ashamed of. You want everyone to see you as this perfect, put together person who does nothing wrong. Screw that. Own your damn mistakes. Own them because they are yours and you are the ONLY one who can do something about it.