Take The Time

Take the time to realign where you want your life to be heading. We may think that is completely out of control & we need to just “trust” that things will go our way.. but that’s really not how it goes. You can’t just throw your arms up in retreat, head to the sidewalk and wait for your dream job, dream marriage and ideal body to arrive at your feet. You may think, how nice would that be? I think it wouldn’t have the same affect on you if you were just handed everything and didn’t fall along the journey. You have to see the dark to appreciate the light.

There’s beauty in the dark

Take the time to open old wounds & heal them. Do it for you. Take this as you will & with caution, depending on your resilience and mentality in present time. Opening up wounds that you haven’t healed from yet could do more damage than good. These past two months I pried my wounds open.

Growing up I was so envious of my friends who had close relationships with their aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. As I got older I realized that I can control what I do with those absent relationships, despite the lost time and wondering if it was too late…I went down and visited them. Then they came up and we all went to a concert together. I had one month left before I moved 24 hours away when I decided I wanted to improve the connections on my dad’s side. It felt like, if I don’t take the chance now, will I just keep continuing wishful thinking?

Like I’ve written about briefly before, my first boyfriend laid the foundation on what I thought love was. I thought love was stepping on egg shells so I didn’t upset him and that would mean an abuse-free night. I thought love was isolating myself from my friends and family in fear that he would get jealous of the time I was spending with them. I thought love was thinking I wasn’t special and I should be thankful that this person is willing to be with me. WILLING. What? I literally thought that. I wish I could hug my 15 year old self. Anyways, I opened up old, healing wounds as I met up with another one of my ex’s girlfriends. We were both told from him to stay away from each other. For 8+ years I would say hi to her in passing and was always drawn to wanting to say more, but I couldn’t. Little did I know that she was thinking the same. We got coffee together about a week before I left. The five hours we spent talking, grieving and celebrating ourselves was truly irreplaceable. I know in my heart that we could’ve been amazing friends in those lost years, but it’s never too late.

Take the time to build yourself up. I am a huge advocate for the happiness of my friends but I couldn’t give myself the same advocacy. Which, you should be your loudest cheerleader. You have to believe that you’re deserving of everything good in this world, but you can’t force it. It comes with work. You are worthy, you hear that? I am better than I was even three months ago with the help of continued therapy, reflection and the desire to love who I am. If I didn’t take that time, I know I would’ve sabotaged the good things that have been coming my way recently :)

You are a being of light, worthy of all the good & love

Would this have happened if I just sat & pondered what could’ve been or should’ve been? Maybe, but probably not. You benefit with the decisions you choose that force you to grow. Get out of your comfortable shell. Please don’t come to the end and think “what if” or “if only I would’ve taken the chance.” Even if it doesn’t work out, you will be content that you at least gave it the effort. You are what you push yourself to be and see.

Take the time to cherish the relationships you have presently. Call your grandma. Take a walk around where you grew up and appreciate the love that was given to you. Call when you can & send a text when a verbal conversation is too much for the day. Don’t sweat the future, it will come & you will take the decisions at hand with your best ability. Set your phone down & have a genuine conversation with a stranger. Take the time to make someone smile. Take the time to dance like no one’s watching, let’s get real everyone watches the person who is dancing but make them remember your carefree energy :)

Take this take for your dreams. The only thing in your way are your fears. Find the people that believe in your success & motivate you to want and be better. If you ever need someone to talk to to get a little more motivation or love, my dms are open <3

Find Your Yellow bb :)