Even Superman Needs Breaks
The savior. The mighty and trusty savior. This is what some of us strive to be, right? The person who wants to fix. And maybe you’re not a fixer, you might have less headaches then. If you can relate to the characteristics of the type of savior I’m describing; protecting others from harm, feeling like you need to save others, seek out others/drawn to others (whether you realize it or not) that need help or assisting and voluntarily sacrificing one’s own needs to ensure others needs are put first. This isn’t necessarily a horrible thing to be associated with. If you relate to this though.. as I once strongly identified as, you need to do some reflection. If you identify as having this savior complex, do you notice how you get yourself into sticky situations, these situations could easily have you manipulated or walked over on. These situations could be dangerous...physically, mentally and emotionally.
Saving doesn’t always mean you have to do all the work. What is that going to teach the person wanting to be saved? It teaches them nothing. You may think you are doing that person a favor but in the long run it could cause dependency issues and reluctance to never want to learn. It limits that person to always just want to play it safe. What is way more beneficial is SHOWING and TEACHING them how to go about something. For example, your daughter calls you on the side on the road saying her tire went flat. You’re a dad. Superman mode instantly kicks in, you’re going to change that tire for her while she sits in the car. That’s an awesome dad right there, you were on your way to work but that’s not even a thought anymore because your daughter needs you. What if you showed your daughter what you were doing? Instead of her scrolling through Tik Tok seeing what the best products at Target are, she could be learning some awesome life skills. The power of observation. Then, the power of implementing what she observed. She may not be an expert tire changer after watching you that one time on the side of the road, she has an idea of what she needs and what needs to be done. She won’t feel hopeless the next time her tire goes flat. Learning develops more self confidence. Knowing you can rely on YOURSELF is powerful.
A lesson doesn’t always have to verbal.
Now, that was a pretty tame example. I wanted it to be easily applicable and get you thinking about other situations that could be used. When I thought about my savior complex, that I wanted to “fix” everyone and everything, I realized that I got myself into more harm than good sometimes. I had absolutely no boundaries. I had nothing that would keep me safe as standing my ground had the subconscious fear that they would leave, they would harm themselves, I was the only one that could stop this, I was the only one that could help, etc. While yes, I am and still will always be the person who will do anything for my friends and family… I will limit myself to who I do these things for and how capable I am of doing so. Sometimes it’s out of our control, life happens. Superman needs breaks too. A car needs breaks so it heads to the gas station and fills up. A phone needs breaks so it gets plugged in and increases its power. A break isn’t a sign of weakness, it is anything but that.
A helpful thing to remember is that although we want to, we can’t save or fix everyone. You can’t fix a drinking problem if that person doesn't want to be saved or fixed. No matter how hard you try, THEY are the person who does it for themselves and wants to change. You can’t fix a person who wants to lose weight but doesn’t stop swinging through McDonalds everyday on their lunch break and watches 5 hours of Netflix after work, THEY are the person who does it for themselves and wants to change. What you can do though is be their support, push them to succeed, encourage them, compliment them, whatever positive and beneficial thing you can do for them...do it.
