“Broken” isn’t ugly, it’s beautiful and powerful.
For one, no one is broken or should ever be called broken. I have called myself broken many times though I’ll admit. I’ve called myself broken while crying out to the world asking why I am the way that I am and why when previous traumas get triggered and I go on day/s of emotional binges of trying to bring myself back from that pain. It’s amazing how time really doesn’t mean anything. Time is NOT a healer. That’s why I hate the term “with time, it will get better.” No. That saying can ONLY be true if YOU take the time to process it and unpack your feelings to that trauma and/or experience. You can numb the pain and avoid what has had happened for days, months, years, decades… but it will come back. I promise you. Also, just because you may have taken the time to process it in your way, doesn’t mean that you will never have those days where you feel “broken” or never have painful memories of the past… you will just get better at handling it and knowing that you are okay. You are a survivor.
“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.”
Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, or if they haven’t they will…. some have gone through multiple or a higher degree of trauma depending on the horror of what has happened. Every trauma is validated. Every trauma is accepted and allowed to be processed. Everyone has their own perception as to what has happened in their life. Sometimes it feels like people aren’t given a break on the traumas that seem to keep piling on. Sometimes it feels like people get one experience their whole life and that’s it. That’s okay. That’s life. Sometimes it is completely out of our control. What we CAN control is what we do for ourselves through these experiences. Yes, what you do for yourself and how you care for yourself is YOUR choice. You make the choice on the healing you do. You make the choice on how far you want to push yourself to get through this horrible time. You get the choice of taking in the support and love from others. You make the choice if you do it alone.
I’d like to say something that I’ve always known about myself. I don’t even realize it sometimes but I am drawn to people who have gone through hell and back. I respect them. They are more comparable to Hulk than a person who can deadlift 500 pounds. They are fucking amazing. Honestly, they could be some of the most happiest people out there because they know what rock bottom feels like. Seriously. You look at a positive person, a person who sees the good in everyday and there’s a high suspicion that they have one heck of story or stories that they’ve lived. Seek out these people. You’re going to learn so much and their light will change your whole entire life. There’s a catch though, with their story or stories they are going to have bad days. They are going to have days where that light isn’t shining as it has been, it will be dimmed. I challenge you to be there for them, to be there when their light is dull. There’s beauty in that dim light. Bad days happen when the brain is flooded with memories. It doesn’t mean they are taking a step back. It’s part of the ongoing healing process. It’s okay to have these days, you tell them that.
I want to compare being “broken” to memorable possessions we have. Stay with me. If you think of yourself as broken please continue reading this and fully take in what I’m about to say. Going shopping and getting something new is exciting, no matter how much of a shopaholic you are… it is. Even if it’s just a new pair of socks or hell if you like Vera Bradley, a new purse. I don’t know much about purses and that’s the first name that came to mind. So you get home and you are ecstatic about your new purchase(s)!! Now, you are given the choice of keeping that new purse in exchange of your dulled, out-dated mother’s t-shirt that was passed down to you and that you currently wear as she had at the same age you are now. For some it may be the new, dazzling purse that has a fresh start. That has no past to it. Or… for some it would be the shirt that has gone through years of memories, tears, places, adventures, etc. That shirt has gone through some shit and look at it now. If you have that shirt because your mom simply didn’t want it anymore or if its a symbol for you that although your mother isn’t here, she’s still with you… it is so special.
Now I’m not preaching to never throw an old thing away, I’m just trying to make you think differently about yourself. Yes, some people seem to have it all together and that they never have had to experience things you have had to. Some have never had to pick up cans on the side of the road and dig through the dumpster to ensure you and your family had a meal that day or some have never had to go to court because you were in fear of your life and got a restraining order. But you know what? I personally feel like that makes you a better person. You have seen the ugly, evil part of life. You have experienced genuine pain and heartbreak. The kind of heartbreak where you don’t know if you can handle even one more second on this Earth. The strength, wisdom, compassion and kindness you will have for others and this Earth might take some time but the amount of it you will have will blow you and others away. If they are lucky enough to know you that is.
Think about the most famous people, places, moments. They are no where near perfect. Robin Williams was a WONDERFUL man who was silently suffering from depression. The Grand Canyon is a place people flock to and it was created due to continued YEARS of erosion. 9/11 is a moment people will remember forever, not because it was beautiful in anyway but because it was a moment that made us change our thinking and how we live our lives.
You are not broken, you beautiful human you. You are unstoppable. You are incredible. You are a powerhouse. I think you’re perfect.
Pick yourself up. Don’t hold on or dwell on your trauma, no matter how long it has been. Talk to someone about it. Break down. There is strength in the scene of a breakdown. You will be okay. I promise.
Breakthrough Your Yellow <3