R-E-S-PECT Yourself.
Stop Giving Them Excuses.
The simple truth of the matter is that if he/she wanted to they would. If he/she wanted to text you, they would. If he/she wanted to call you after work to tell you about their day and ask about yours, they would. If he/she wanted to reassure your overthinking mind, they would. They would reassure you every single damn time because they want to, not because they feel like they have to. It’s physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting giving energy and effort to someone who sees you as no other than an option in their life. While you are killing yourself trying to “prove yourself” that you are supposed to be in their life, they are taking that effort and putting it in the trash or stashing it away in their ego. Why would we want to feel like we have to beg to have someone in our life?
“We’re just talking”
The criteria of this article I’m writing about is my lovely generation’s creation of the “talking stage.” I am personally tired of it. Oh don’t get me wrong, I use this term and have tried to explain it to my confused parents. The more I get older and gain experience, the more and more I understand my parents' confused faces. While yes, you can’t just jump right into a Facebook official relationship..you have to make sure the colors they are showing you are their vivid self. The uncertainty and confusion of this “talking” label is so present. Why is commitment and healthy communication so rare these days? It’s like finding a unicorn in the Sahara desert. What defines “talking?” This fairytale assumption that they aren’t talking to anyone else, they are in it with the right intentions and this will be a short stage of this relationship before we make it official. In some cases this is spot on, but for a good chunk of the talking stages I have experienced myself and experienced through others is the complete opposite of the fairytale assumption. With the talking stage comes the controversial feelings of...is he/she still on Tinder, do I get to ask if they are talking to someone else?, he says he isn’t looking for a relationship but wants to keep seeing me...what does this mean? You could be on page 60 while the other person is contemplating turning to page 14 of both of your guys’ book. I use book metaphors a lot. Another thing I noticed while being in this generation is the tendency to pack and leave during the “talking stage” when a small inconvenience arises. This could mean differing views, miscommunication, etc. This creates the vision that everything has to be perfect and your voice has to be lessened because you NEED this relationship to progress so you can get that official label so you will feel better being the “girlfriend” or vice versa. If one isn’t capable of having a mature conversation about a situation that arises during the honeymoon phase then please get out. You don’t want to be walking on eggshells because of their preconceived ideas that you two will never fight or that conflict is a sign that things aren’t working. We are humans, we are all unique. This then means that we all have different views on things whether that be due to personal, environmental, family life, etc. Everything we experience gives us another way to experience things, a simple thing on how you take your coffee.. to a more complex thing like how you deal with your partner going out on a Friday night with the boys/girls. The conversations that need to be happening are WHAT are your experiences? Why are you the way that you are? Try to UNDERSTAND that person and not change them.
Netflix And Chill
Can we also steer clear away from this as a romanticized first date. If you are reading this, take them out. Make them feel special. Yes, you may be tired and you have a busy day coming up tomorrow but the 2 hours you are spending “watching” Blue Mountain State could be used by getting ice cream instead. The simplicity of going to an ice cream shop has so much more meaning and thought then having someone you’re interested in come over to your house. When I get excited about someone and get told they want to “take me out” my heart on my sleeve is thinking.. Finally..there is someone out there who respects me and wants this to work. But then that manifestation is hit like a brick wall when that gets turned around a couple days later with “How about you just come over?” My high hopes are turned away and I bet there is probably a visible disgusted look on my face. With going into a “netflix and chill” night, there are preconceived expectations that it might get physical fast. You’re laying in a bed, couch, etc. It’s just human nature to want to or feel like you have to. It does something to your own expectations about them, that this is what they expect of me so I don’t want to make them mad or lose interest in me. This road that I’m starting to go down is something that I could turn into a 500 page novel but I will put a halt to this now… be waiting. I know it’s scary asking someone out on a date. Having to plan and go into a public setting has so much more pressure than finding a movie on Netflix in the comfort of your own space. I promise you that you will make that girls day when you take the initiative to make her feel special and wanted (in the right way.)
Wait
Wait for someone who is kind. Kind to you, your family, friends and your heart.
Wait for someone that sees you. Sees your worth, your hopes and dreams.
Wait for someone who will wait. Waits for when you’re ready, for you to let your walls down on your own time, for you.
Wait for someone who makes you feel comfortable. Comfortable in your own skin, being alone with them, being your true yellow self.
Wait for someone who makes you feel wanted. Wanted during the day, during times not spent together, during the rest of your life.
Wait for someone who reassures you. Reassures you when you can’t help but assume, when you’re feeling insecure, when you have doubts.
It’s hard to wait. Especially when you see others in your life progress with their person. Whether it’s an announcement of their engagement, marriage, anniversary, pregnancy, etc. Your turn is coming, whether it’s tomorrow or 5 years down the road. The wait will be worth it.